Communicating with an ex-partner can be difficult, given the often-heightened emotions associated with a breakup, and differing ideas associated with making and adhering to arrangements for moving forward, especially when it comes to children. Here are some general tips to avoid or reduce conflict, to promote a positive coparenting relationship, and communicate in such a way so as to improve the well-being of the family as a whole.
- Choose your communication method (e.g., text, email, parenting app). If there are issues with communication, reserve phone use to emergencies only.
- Keep communication brief, perhaps 2-5 sentences in an email or 2 sentences in a text. Say what needs to be said and avoid adding additional information that is unnecessary.
- Keep it friendly – keep heightened emotions from being obvious in your communication.
- Be firm/assertive rather than being too passive or overly aggressive.
- Pick a time to read messages/emails if communicating leads to anxiety. You might like an email address specifically for communication with your ex-partner.
- Respond to communication in a timely manner, perhaps acknowledging within 24 hours, and then responding properly within 48 hours.
- Avoid demands – turn these into polite requests for a response.
- Don’t use any swear words or other profanity.
- Avoid assumptions, admonishments, or giving advice. This is likely to inflame things between you and your ex-partner.
Getting communication right can take practice but over time, if used effectively, it can help to reduce the upset feelings. And even if your ex-partner does not communicate in the same way at first, over time they may naturally change their own communication style to match.
